The endless tunnel

I wake up some mornings, and for a moment I’m at peace. I’ve dreamt it so clearly – I can almost touch it. Smell it. Feel it.

I wake up, and in a moment – I’m completely happy.

It takes a minute or two before the reality sets in. Life. The emptiness. The loss of something I never had.

I wonder when it’ll end. This perpetual sadness. This life that I never planned. This tunnel that has no light. No glimmers. Not even through any cracks. Because there aren’t any cracks in my tunnel. And there is no end. There is no solution. There’s just the every day sinking feeling.

The tunnel, isn’t long and straight. And perhaps all the twists and corners, paths and routes make the darkness endurable. But no matter the amount of excitement or fun that the uphills, downhills and turns provide me, I know deep down it’s still a tunnel. A tunnel with no end.

The endless tunnel has changed me. I’ve lost my way and in it, I’ve lost myself. I’m wandering aimlessly looking for light, but through that I’ve lost my sense of direction. I take every turn offered, but ultimately… I’m just wandering around in circles.

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