the Hawks detox – day 1 and 2

I have wanted to do this juice detox for some time now, but reading Natasha’s post on how (relatively) easy while life-changing a juice detox was, it wasn’t long before we’d clicked, credit carded ourselves and purchased about a million bottles of fresh juice.

This is what a million fresh juices look like. The freezer was full. Who needs chicken anyway?

I am writing this from my bed, at the end of day 2. It is 8.24pm. My head hurts. A lot. I am irritable, and having an internal battle between admitting defeat (which would mean I can indulge a team breakfast tomorrow) and solidiering on.

I’m on a 5 day super detox with Juice Revolution. We did the 5 day detox, because I always wanted to just do three days (this would mean I would be finishing tomorrow, and a decision I’m regretting now) but a blog post made 7 days sound so easy, I thought 5 was a good middle ground.

Day 1, which was a Sunday on recommendation of friends, went well. I stayed in bed until at least midday. I did cause myself pain when I went to builders to buy some paint (because I still live in the burbs and there’s always something to be painted in this house) and all I could smell were the boerie rolls being braai’d. They almost got me. Lucky I know how they smell better than they taste. The highlight of the day was my night time treat – which is apple and cinnamon heated up. Besides a deep pain in my belly that could be called hunger… the day was ok. It was going to be ok.

Supplements. They taste hideous.


This one wasn’t too bad actually. Considering its celery, cucumber, spinach and other stuff I’d usually push around my plate.

Day 2. Today. I was wrong about being ok. A new level of feeling like crap. Take your worst hangover, and then deny yourself any food on it. That’s about 1 tenth of it.

I woke up this morning and I wasn’t too hungry. Which I thought weird as the last time I ate solids was on Saturday night. I thought I was sorted and that this detox thing was going to a breeze after all. I shouldn’t have thought anything. Little did I know what the day had in store for me.

What I realised today (amongst much hating of everything in my path) is that people who do detoxes genuinely care about what is going into their body. I don’t. I genuinely care about being in a bikini at the end of the year on a Maldivian beach. But how I achieve this, whether through banting, or intense gymming, or organic vegetables, makes no actual difference to me. I thought it did. I thought I could be someone who really cared, but I don’t. I will never shop at organic markets. I will never drive to Spier to buy my organic chicken. I’m not that person.

I care about eating well, sure. In the same way that I care about using dermalogica on my skin and sunscreen in summer. I don’t want to age badly, but I want to live while I’m aging. And by living, I mean eating and enjoying. That includes wine (the only thing I haven’t actually missed at all in 2 days).

Look, I like food. I like food a lot. Today my mouth watered at rice cakes with peanut butter. I was caught in the act of looking longingly at the rice cake like it was actually pizza. But normally I don’t like just any food (its just that its been 2 days without solids…). I like really good food. I never ate junk and fast food before – and I still won’t, regardless of my ridiculous cravings I had today (all the burgerking in the world!!). I’ll still pay the price tag and go to the nice restaurants. (In planning right now for Friday night. As reward for getting through Sunday – Thursday, of course).

They say you won’t be hungry. That the juices fill you up. They lie. Well, they lie up until Juice 4 of day 2. When quite literally, I’m not sure if I was hungry or not any more – but I just couldn’t any more with the juices. Juice 5 went the same way.

What does it feel like? This isn’t my example, but I have to use it as its perfectly apt.

Me, juice detoxing - day 2
Me, juice detoxing – day 2

I had little tingleys all over my body for most the day while feeling freezing (it was 16 degrees today, which is hardly cold enough for coat and scarf inside the office). At one point, I asked a colleague (thankfully who doubles as a friend) if I still had my jaw and if I was slurring (I wasn’t). My tongue felt thick, my jaw and skin felt numb. I was sure I wasn’t making any sense at all. The bathroom floor waved at me. I had to blink to be sure. (It stopped waving for just a moment, before it started again). The symptoms may be from general starvation, or this may be a detox. Whatever it was, I was coming down in the worst possible way.

But… let’s back up to my ‘Why Detox?’ post – as you can see. I don’t eat badly (one cup of coffee a day and some speckled eggs – it could be worse!). So why I wanted to hug my knees to my chest and rock back and forth for half the day is beyond me.

I just told someone that they’d last the not eating part, if they can stop themselves from clawing their brains out. Which is dramatic, I know. But I’m feeling dramatic because I haven’t eaten anything in two days!!
But really. The headache. I haven’t had a pain like this since my one and only migraine on a train from Milton Keynes to London after a Robbie Williams concert. (do you know how tragic it is to have a migraine on a train after a concert of the man that you are in love with? That whole concert is tainted with the memory of the headache. Anyway, I digress and RW is gross now anyway). The headache is severe. You get it.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to wake up with a flat tummy. A by-line to this should be that it would depend on the size of your tummy before starting the detox, whether a flat-tummy was possible. The way I’m looking this evening, there’s no chance there’s going to be any flatness going on in the morning.

Apparently we’re allowed to cheat once day. I found this out today. A small avo or a small banana. And only if you’re ‘physically‘ hungry. How I was supposed to tell the difference between physically and mentally hungry without knowing if my jaw was intact is beyond me. It was tempting though. So very tempting. However, that would be… as the name says, “cheating”.

My jury is still out. I’m waiting to get this boost of energy and happiness, and to loose the pain in my head. I’m waiting for my skin to glow. But mostly, I’m waiting till Friday when I can eat again.

Oh, I also learnt that some people want to see you succeed in this and are super supportive. And others can be dicks who email you pictures of pizza. (thanks to the team support – I didn’t receive any actual emails with pictures of pizza). Also, I don’t really think those people are dicks. I kinda laugh on the inside while throwing my tantrum on the outside. Because one time, I sent a picture of a praying mantis to my best friend who is petrified of them, and oh how I laughed. Shame.

Anyway. 3 days to go.


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