The value of one hug

‘And then you said “Go on, give me a hug”. And in that moment, nothing in the world mattered. Nothing around us could’ve taken away the feeling I felt to be hugged like that. It was just a moment. But it was perfect. The world stopped. There was silence. The quiet that I crave.’

Its a funny thing – for someone who prefers no one in her personal space, no unnecessary physical contact, to comment on the value of one hug. But sometimes… there can be nothing more treasurable than being drawn close to someone – your mom, your friend, your love – and to be held, if even for just a short moment. Or better… for a longer one.

Sometimes its too short, the hug I mean. One person lets go too soon. And sometimes it’s you who doesn’t know when the right time to let go is. But sometimes, you get it just right. And in that moment, for whatever reason you’re there, the world melts away.

Sometimes you’re saying hello to someone you haven’t seen in a while. The embrace is one of joy. Its filled with laughter and smiles and warmth. Sometimes you’re sad, empty or lonely and for that moment when you’re within the right person’s hug, you don’t feel any of those things any more. Sometimes your tears are flowing so fast that if you weren’t being held right then, you’d surely collapse. Sometimes its just small squeeze, a quick embrace, that can make the day positive, accomplishable, meaningful, possible.

Sometimes you’re saying goodbye to someone you love. You’re letting them go, but in that moment, you don’t want to. You’re holding on to them in a hug, because you somehow think that if you can hold them here, you may be able to hold onto them forever.

Sometimes, this small gesture is as bold and relevant as if it were as intimate as a kiss, as meaningful as a vow and as moving as… well, an earthquake (which sometimes it really feels like).

The value of it, really only understood between the holder and hugged.

And I wonder… if everything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again?

See, I didn't make it up how good a hug is.
See, I didn’t make it up how good a hug is.

Almost 34, and this is what’s troubling me.

Ok, so lets be frank. My hair… it’s not great. It doesn’t really grow. It isn’t really blonde (anymore). It kinda sucks. Its straight on top, with a whole wave thing going on underneath. I don’t really know how to wear it, or blowdry it. And basically… It doesn’t really grow. The trouble is… I want it long. I want it so long that people stop and say ‘how long is that girls’ hair?’ (ok – maybe I don’t want it that long). The trouble also is: I want to cut it. Next week.

In 2000, my first year at Uni (and also about 10kgs heavier than I was in Matric) I decided to chop the blonde length that I did have, off. Short-ish at first, and then in early 2001 (and my second year) a lot shorter.

Awesome ID book pic huh? Judge all you want – I won over husband-to-be with this Gwyneth Paltrow hairdo. Shame. (for him, for me… it was horrible!)

2001, chubby and Sliding Doors as my favourite movie

It grew back, slowly…

Then in 2007, after I made very sure there was no way our relationship was ready to be near a church or a white dress – I took a risk and went for a cut again. (Turns out my then boyfriend-now husband wasn’t paying attention and proposed anyway just 2 months later. We were engaged for 18 months while my hair grew back. Because: brides need long hair. Ok, not the only reason we were engaged that long. You try plan a wedding from London when you’re the first person out of everyone to get married and facebook wasn’t even a thing yet).

Bobbing in 2007 (and also doing the Brit-brit impersonation)
Bobbing in 2007 (and also doing the Brit-brit impersonation)

It has now been 8 years. That’s EIGHT years. And I still have only mid-length hair. I’ve tried everthing. EVERYTHING!! Ok, I’ve tried good shampoo and conditioner – but I’m just guessing this is it – like my weight, this is the length my hair is just comfy at.

I always said that once I have kids I’ll cut my hair short(er) again but first I just want to achieve the mermaid locks. (I also said I just want to have a flat stomach once in my life!)  Given that I’m not going to have kids I haven’t had kids yet, and that I’m reaching a bored phase (in life) I’m really considering cutting my hair. I mean, why wait for things you can’t control. Like falling pregnant, or hair to grow.

So, for my 34th birthday (which is next week) I am considering cutting my hair. Like this:

Blonde Lob
The Blonde Lob. I could do this.

Or like this… without the red.

Would take guts to change colour too. I don't have said guts.
Would take guts to change colour too. I don’t have said guts.

But I can’t give up on the dreams. So, I may also buy me some mermaid hair extensions. Like these, that I borrowed from our Beauty Buyer at work where we might sell them (online!)

They’re only clip in husband – relax!

See, then everyone wins. Ok me. Its just me that wins. I get a change and I get my long hair.

Now just to find those balls somewhere to book the appointment.
Or should I just cancel the idea, put my credit card away… and continue to try and grow my hair?!