In 2014 I basically just failed at life. Or at least, it felt like I failed (a lot).
Nothing could have been worse than it. Someone once told me there’s no such thing as rock bottom, and that you can always get worse once you think you’re at rock bottom. In 2015, I learnt that while this may be true (who am I to disagree with addict psychology really), you can reach a turning point that is the most rock bottom you’ve been and come back from it.
I recall a friends’ status update on the last day of 2014 where she relished in all the successes of the best year ever, and thinking to myself ‘nice for some’ as I reflected on the shit year I had had. As a result, I refrain from a Facebook status this year that declares love for my husband, my dog, my home, my life, as it would appear that 2015 was filled with heartache, loss and pain for others. Everyone’s year is different. It is never a good year for us all (all at once), and so I’m not about to rub noses in my (much better than 2014) 2015.
There was still some room for improvement. It wasn’t perfect, and I did fail at some things. However, some lessons are always learnt – whether the year itself was a good or a bad one.
In 2015 I learnt the value of commitment.
Through my own experiences, and of those around me. I watched as marriages fell apart, and as some were built back up through hard work, attitude adjustments, reaffirming decisions, recommitment and mostly – choice.
I learnt that nothing is ever what it seems. That Instagram posts and declarations of love on social media, and even behaviour in social settings, may often be just a cover (they may also not be a cover too I guess). Either way, you never truly know what may be going on in people’s relationships and that you may often be surprised. But I learnt that the commitment you make on your wedding day is not to be taken lightly. It is for better and for worse. And the for worse days will make themselves known. Perhaps not immediately, and perhaps in different shapes and guises of sickness, pressures, financial loss, personal tragedies, personality, growth or moral clashes, but they will become known to all marriages. It is during these days that you need to recall why you committed and commit again to each other.
The best philosophy I heard in 2015 was to consider your marriage as a contract that is up for renewal annually. If you approached it this way how differently would you behave. Knowing there was risk in being “let go”, or having to “let go” of that person you loved enough to say I do to. I agree with the philosophy completely and try and approach each day like it is something we should recommit to.
I learnt that no matter how much you wish people could understand you, or how you’d like to try and explain yourself, you cannot change their preconceived ideas about you or about how (your) life should be. You can only be true to yourself. Be honest about what it is you want for your life and make sure every damn day you aren’t lying to the person in the mirror (firstly).
I learnt that life’s lessons aren’t to be buried or run away from. They define where you come from, and how you’ve grown. I have learnt that all my lessons and challenges, especially those of 2014, weren’t only for me. That the pain, heartache and confusion has helped others in small ways. Some people may tell you that you’re helping them. Others may never mention it and rather slip quietly away. But nothing is without lesson and growth when we’re open to it.
I learnt that the small stuff isn’t worth sweating. But that your triggers are still your triggers. And you can’t berate yourself for being who you are.
I learnt the meaning of a miracle.
I learnt that I’m stronger than I thought I was.
I learnt that sometimes letting go is the best thing you can do. Even though you may not want to.
I learnt that timing is everything.
But because they’re still important – here’s my 2015 highlights