Remember when your mom told you that if you made that face and the wind changed direction, it’d stay that way forever? That’s what being 40 weeks pregnant is like.
I am stuck like this forever.
I know that’s irrational and highly unlikely, but unless you have been pregnant for 40 weeks, you have no idea how the perpetual cycle of day-by-day feels.
It is insanely intense.
Everybody is messaging you, every day asking you how you are? Or any news? How many different ways can I answer – I’m hanging in there (I’ve cried twice and its only 10am), I’m tired (I’m pretty sure I may have cut someone off in a roundabout earlier and may have caused and accident), I feel like I’m going to pop (literally can hear the fibres of my once toned ish stomach ripping apart). The only positive out of this whole carrying-to-term experience is that I’ve been giving my previous body credit for being more toned and in shape than I ever actually saw while I had it. The ‘I’m so fat woes’ really should never have been and I’ve made many a silent promise into the mirror that should I not have fucked my stomach muscles forever and return to the state I was in before I will never disrespect my body with negative thoughts and comments as I did for most of my adult existence to date. (Not including varsity days as clearly then I gave zero fucks.)
40 full weeks of being pregnant.
The longest pregnancy of my life (obviously as it’s the only one) and the most pregnant I’ve ever been (again – an obvious statement).
I have never been more ready for the baby to come than right now.
– 9 October 2015
You don’t feel pregnant, but… like my colleague said ‘the baby can’t just evaporate’, so it must still be in there. I guess. I mean, she has a point. She is smart like that.
Being pregnant is bizarre. Especially as I’ve spent more time not being pregnant, or trying to be pregnant, than I have actually ‘being pregnant’. There are some challenges. Like – EVERYTHING. I have NO idea what you’re supposed to do while you’re pregnant. Or not do. For someone who spent 5 years trying and too much money on the attempts, you’d think I would’ve given some research into what to actually expect after bingo! Double pink line and all.
But I didn’t. I fixated on the prize (the pink lines) and not on the 9 months ahead of that.
Lets start with google. The past week of google searches have included:
Are olives ok to eat while pregnant
Feta while early pregnant
Is salmon ok while pregnant
How much weight gain during early pregnancy
Pounds = kgs
How bad is coffee while pregnant
How much is in one espresso in mg of caffeine (I’m not that great with my google queries)
Is it safe to do plank while pregnant
Rock shandy while pregnant
How much alcohol in bitters
Is bitters bad while pregnant (have decided it is, as it has a lot of alcohol)
Feels like a stitch early pregnant
Stomach pains like hunger while pregnant
What does morning sickness feel like
This is my life now. I question every moment and wonder if it’s directly related to the apple seed sized human being forming in my tummy.
I’m 4 days away from my first real scan. I’m both nervous and scared. I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around this.
Maybe by Tuesday I would’ve.
1 October 2015
I think I lied about three times today. Being pregnant does that to you.
Firstly, I’m still trying to figure out if the nurses are just playing a game with me about actually being pregnant. They could be lying too. As odd as it sounds, I keep waking up thinking I’m going to get an sms saying ‘haha! just kidding!’. Slight stretch of the real fear, but its there.
I randomly asked my colleague, who is actually pregnant (well, by actually I mean, she’s further along than me – by about 6 months!) about the pilates class she went to last night. Innoncently asking a question I otherwise would never have asked. LYING.
I proudly announced I was doing OcSober (no big suprises there as I do it every year), but kindly kept to myself it would be lasting until June next year. LIAR!
Finally, as I was asked about how life was, and if I’d be considering changing jobs (I had mentioned it before) or moving back to town (I had mentioned that a few times too) – I had to lie. And say I was just, you know… ‘chilled’.
Really? Chilled? The girl wears hypothetical running shoes and plans her life getaway constantly is now ‘chilled’. Clearly someone doesn’t know me as well as they think they do, as the lie… was bought.
Pregnancy makes you a liar. But I can deal with cardinal sin number 2. Because I’m pregnant. I’m really frikkin pregnant. A pregnant lier. But still.. pregnant. *Bounces off walls just a little*
**please note the use of frikkin. Or Freaking. Or friggin. This is in an attempt to stop swearing before the baby arrives.
Oh my actual fuck there’s going to be a baby arriving!